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47 Days Earlier | 47 Days Later

Unfortunately, we only hear Edward's side of the conversation, so I had to use my imagination to fill in what Jacob said. Below are Edward's exact words from the book, coupled with how I envision Jacob responded.

EDWARD: Hello Jacob.
JACOB: What's up, Ed-turd?
EDWARD: Someone was here—not a scent I know.
JACOB: Why don't you write a lullaby about it?
EDWARD: Has your pack come across anything new?
JACOB: Man, I don't know. When we're soaring above the trees with our jetpacks, we see all kinds of crazy crap. Bring Bella over to my house. I want to kiss her.
EDWARD: Here's the crux, Jacob. I won't be letting Bella out of my sight till I get this taken care of. It's nothing personal—
JACOB: No, here's the crux, crux-boy. I can name all the state capitals. I bet you can't.
EDWARD: You might be right—
JACOB: I know I'm right, monkey-muncher. Now why don't you shut the hell up and give me $50, or else I'll cram a lit match in your eye.
EDWARD: That's an interesting suggestion. We're quite willing to renegotiate. If Sam is amenable.
JACOB: Oh, I think Sam will be "amendable." You sound like a d-bag.
EDWARD: Thank you.
JACOB: Are you taking Bella to the see Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakel?
EDWARD: I'd planned to go alone, actually. And leave her with the others.
JACOB: You're such a fan boy. I bet you'll love the movie.
EDWARD: I'll try to consider it objectively. As objectively as I'm capable of.
JACOB: I wish hotdogs were flat like hamburgers.
EDWARD: That's not a half-bad idea. When?
JACOB: All the time, I guess. You sound scared. [IN MOCKING TONE] Do you want me to come over and hold your hand?
EDWARD: No, that's fine. I'd like a chance to follow the trail personally, anyway.
JACOB: How long does it take you to tie your shoes?
EDWARD: Ten minutes.
JACOB: Say "certainly" or I'll kill your brain.
EDWARD: Certainly.
JACOB: Put Bella back on the phone, so I can French kiss her with my voice.

Comments

matt1993
Aug. 10th, 2014 08:01 pm (UTC)
These were my favorite parts:

EDWARD: Someone was here—not a scent I know.
JACOB: Why don't you write a lullaby about it?

JACOB: How long does it take you to tie your shoes?
EDWARD: Ten minutes.
pathvain_aelien
Aug. 10th, 2014 10:46 pm (UTC)
Lol.

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47 Muldering Cranthers

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