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47 Days Earlier | 47 Days Later

The Cullens meet in the ready-room to discuss the situation.

BELLA: And so I think maybe the vampires in Seattle are the same vampires that stole my clothes.
CARLISLE: Genius! You're a bloody genius!
BELLA: I also think that when my body runs out of water, it makes me thirsty for water.
ESME: You should be a scientist!
EDWARD: What should we do about this situation? Wait for a few weeks? Stand around talking about our past? Because if that's what it takes, I'll do it. See, once upon a time I had a bad case of the flu and so Carlisle—
EMMETT: We need to go kill these vampires. They need to ride the Pain Train. [FLEXES HIS MUSCLES]
CARLISLE: But we can't. We don't know how. Jasper needs to—
JASPER: [YELLING FROM THE OTHER ROOM] I'm not ready yet! My charts aren't finished, the glue is drying weird, and now I'm out of glitter. Mom? Do we have any glitter? Silver glitter? None of that gold crap.
ESME: Check the junk drawer, dear.
JASPER: [FROM THE OTHER ROOM] Mom, can you check? Mom? Mooooom? Glitter?
ESME: Why can't you check, love?
JASPER: [FROM THE OTHER ROOM] Because I'm coloring!
ALICE: Wait. I'm getting a vision. Someone will…do something…and…there's a man, or maybe a potato? Bella, do you know any men or potatoes that hate you?
EMMETT: Uh-oh. I think the Pain Train is leaving soon. Destination, Seattle. [FLEXES MUSCLES]
JASPER: [FROM OTHER ROOM] Mom!? Is Emmett making fun of my scars?
ESME: No, honey. No one is making fun of your scars.
JASPER: [FROM THE OTHER ROOM] Yes he is! I know he is. He's always making fun of my scars! I hate him! I hate this family! I want to drink Bella's blood.
ESME: Jasper, honey. We talked about that, remember?
ROSALIE: Why would a vampire want…her? Like, eww.
EMMETT: By the way, I call my arms the Pain Train. And they depart every hour, on the hour. Because that's what's up. [STARES AT EDWARD]
CARLISLE: Emmett's right. We should probably go to Seattle soon.
JASPER: [FROM THE OTHER ROOM] But I told you! I'm not ready! The charts aren't done, and I need to cut out more picture from magazines! And all our magazines are stupid. I hate them!
EDWARD: Hmm. Who is behind this vampire army?
CARLISE: I have no idea.
ESME: It could be anyone.
ROSEALIE: It's a real mystery.
EMMETT: Whoever it is, I shall give them a non-transferable ticket to ride the Pain Train.
JASPER: [FROM THE OTHER ROOM] Mom? Is Emmett talking about my scars? My scars are not my fault, Emmett. I'm pretty on the inside! Tell him, mom. Tell him I'm pretty on my insides!
BELLA: Um…maybe Victoria is behind all this?
EDWARD: Oh Bella, you're such a total moron.
EMMETT: Pain Train!

Meanwhile, the werewolves have already killed Victoria and the newborn vampires. After that, they built an orphanage and organized a food drive. They also cleaned up 13 miles of Highway 87, and stopped four bank robberies.


Aug. 19th, 2014 12:37 am (UTC)
I liked this especially:

ALICE: Wait. I'm getting a vision. Someone will…do something…and…there's a man, or maybe a potato? Bella, do you know any men or potatoes that hate you?
Aug. 23rd, 2014 06:45 am (UTC)
That's my favorite part, too!


47 Muldering Cranthers

The 47th Month

August 2014

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