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47 Days Earlier | 47 Days Later

Prediction:
The next chapter is an all-out orgy. And by orgy, I mean "awkward talky-time."

EDWARD: Bella, you need to get some rest. Brush your teeth and moisturize your skin. And don't forget to floss.
BELLA: OK.
JACOB: Why do you tell Bella what to do all the time?
EDWARD: Because if I don't, she'll die.
JACOB: You're not giving her a chance.
EDWARD: Fine. You think she can survive on her own? Check this out. [To Bella] Lamb, Jake and I are going to step outside of the tent for a minute. You'll be fine on your own, right?
BELLA: Yeppers!

[Jacob and Edward leave for one minute and then return to find Bella covered in blood and missing a foot]

EDWARD: What happened?
BELLA: Well, I wasn't sure if I should cut off my own foot or not. And Eddie wasn't around to tell me to stop. So…
JACOB: But…but…but…
BELLA: It's all good. My foot doesn't hurt. Just the part where my foot connected to my leg hurts. So I don't think I need to see a doctor.
JACOB: But…but…but…
BELLA: And I brushed the wound with toothpaste because the bone looked like a tooth to me. Then I used your cellphone to wire all my money to some needy man named SpAMFILE.
JACOB: But…I…
BELLA: I may have also become addicted to opiates. Not really sure yet.
JACOB: We were only gone for a minute!
BELLA: Wait. Hold on. Um…yep. I'm addicted to opiates. Weird, right?
EDWARD: [Turns to Jacob] Now do you understand?
JACOB: I…but…
BELLA: Do you have any opiates? Or foot glue?

Comments

matt1993
Aug. 19th, 2014 12:43 am (UTC)
Sounds like she took the Drive-Thru Whale seriously! Lol

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47 Muldering Cranthers

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