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47 Days Earlier | 47 Days Later

Aug. 11th, 2014

Why didn't they hide Bella in—gosh, I don't know—a house? Or even a car with a working heater? Why does she need to be outside in the elements? What possible benefit could this have?

EVIL VAMPIRE 1: We will kill Bella!
EVIL VAMPIRE 2: Yes, she will soon be destroyed!
EVIL VAMPIRE 3: Unless, of course, she's inside a tent. In which case, we're totally screwed.
EVIL VAMPIRE 1: But I thought tents didn't really exist. I thought it was just a story vampire moms told their vampire children to scare them.
EVIL VAMPIRE 2: No! Not tents! Anything but tents! [Kills himself]

Eventually, Bella is warm enough that her muscles relax and she asks Jacob a weird question: Why is his wolf fur much longer than the wolf fur of all the other werewolves?


Of all the questions I have for the werewolves, asking about their hair length doesn't even crack my top fifteen. And because I know you're wondering, here are my top fifteen questions I will ask a werewolf when I meet one:

1. Can you tell me which muscles I need to flex to become a werewolf?

2. Why not?

3. Please?

4. What's it like being amazing?

5. Can you time travel?

6. Could you eat a dinosaur?

7. Are you sure you can't time travel?

8. Do you have a best friend?

9. How do you keep your fur from catching fire when you use jet packs?

10. If a werewolf turns into a wolf while she's pregnant, does the fetus also transform?

11. When in wolf form, you read each other's minds. But do you also see what other werewolves are seeing? If so, you could save a lot of money by only sending one wolf to the movies, while the other wolves simply stayed home and read that wolf's mind.

12. If someone staples your tail to a tree while you're in wolf form, what would happen when you transform back into a human? Would the tail still be stapled to the tree?

13. Where does your tail go?

14. Ke$ha sucks, right?

15. What song should we sing at karaoke night?
But Bella takes the opportunity to ask why Jacob's wolf fur is long. *sigh*

What's even more disappointing is Jacob's answer: his wolf fur is longer because his human hair is longer than the other tribe members' hair.


So by that logic, werewolf Leah must have shorter hair than Jacob. Right? Does Leah shave her head? If she had long hair, she wouldn't be able to run as a wolf.
But forget about Leah for the moment. Why would your head hair have any impact on the length of your body hair? When a werewolf transforms, does his scalp spread out over his entire body? What if he's bald? What if he dyes his hair? I need to revise my werewolf questionnaire.


Aug. 19th, 2014 12:58 am (UTC)


47 Muldering Cranthers

The 47th Month

August 2014

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